Looking for answers….

Today was another bad day at school for Eva. I was pulled into the directors office and told that Eva was being defiant to the teachers, and when they tried to reprimand her she stuck her tongue out.

I know that’s nothing major, but her track record hasn’t been that great. She has pushed other kids, hit more than one teacher, and generally just can’t sit still to learn.

We are in the process of getting her tested for ADHD. I know she has it. I so want answers.

She doesn’t like behaving badly. And is very proud of herself when she has good days.

So when the director told me she felt it was just a “defiant stage” and that she thought she was doing it all on purpose I just shook my head no. She’s not doing it on purpose, it’s not a stage. We have been dealing with this forever.

I calmly walked her to the car trying not to cry. I asked her how her day was- and of course she lied and told me it was fine. She hates admitting she has had a bad day.

When I told her what they told me she started crying. And so did I.

This parenting gig- it’s not an easy road.

We came home and she quietly ate and then agreed to go lay down, no movies, no tv, no ipad.

She’s still sleeping.

I of course hop online. Reading about things to eliminate from her diet. Sugar, gluten, high fructose corn syrup…. We know sugar is a huge trigger for her and she very rarely gets it.

Gluten may be next on my list to try.

I have been reading an article with so many spot on statements

-Children with ADHD know from a young age that they’re different from other kids. “They see themselves as getting in more trouble, and in some cases may have more difficulty mastering academic work — often despite an above-average intellect. So instead of feeling stupid, their defense is to feel cool. They hone their oppositional attitude.”

-These children are most comfortable when they’re in the middle of a conflict. As soon as you begin arguing with them, you’re on their turf. They keep throwing out the bait, and their parents keep taking it

And for parents- some really great advice

– “Remain calm and friendly whenever you intervene. Oppositional kids have radar for adult hostility. If they pick up your anger, they’re going to match it.”

Eva totally knows which teachers are frustrated with her- and those are the ones that she always gives a hard time.

-Never lose sight of the fact that oppositional kids usually have a great deal to offer, once their behavior is under control. “Oppositional kids are also often quite engaging and bright,” “They tend to be optimistic and very much their own person, with their own way of looking at the world. Once you work through their defiance, there’s a lot there to like.”

That last sentence is so very true. Eva has such a great personality that is often overshadowed by her hyperactivity and negative behavior. She is very witty and funny and a super smart little girl.

I want everyone to see that side….