An Eva update

Today I had Eva’s first conference since starting pre-k so I thought it might be a good time to do an update.

I always dread Eva’s conferences because she’s not exactly an easy kid. And in the past there were very few positive things that were said. Teachers try to be nice, and some care more than others. Honestly Cole prepped me for this- I dreaded his too, and now his conferences are better than any other I have had in my 17 years of parenting. So there is hope.

But this year was different. And it was all about her teachers.

Holding her back from starting Kindergarten is probably the best decision I could have made for her. And finding this school has been HUGE! I think I mentioned before that her teachers are always happy to see her and give her big hugs when I drop her off. She has never had teachers like this before.

They figured out Eva’s triggers early on and continually work with her to hep her control her impulses and learn better coping skills. Something I try to do but often fail.

Academically Eva is extremely smart. And the meds have allowed this to be seen. We always knew she was a smart girl but her issues kept her from being able to show us. Now she can focus. Now she can learn. It is like night and day. But that was never my concern.

She is making friends, and getting along much better with her classmates. Over the summer she told her therapist that she didn’t have friends because she was different. And that kids didn’t like her. I cried when she said that. It is so nice to see her with friends.

Her teachers said they give her lots of time to switch gears and move on to new activities. She does not like change and it takes her some time to cope.

Well the last three years have been nothing but change- moving to NC, moving back, moving to a rental, living in hotels, with friends…Workers in the house every single day. Not an easy ride for a kid that craves structure.

But then they told me that she seems afraid of losing people.

They showed me her journal and she had said that she was afraid that her mom and dad would die.

Her teachers said that it was a bit of a red flag and asked if she had lost anyone lately. Besides our dog a few months ago- no. They asked me to think about it, because they could tell she was scared about losing people.

So I spent the day thinking about it.

A couple weeks ago one of her teachers was gone for the week. Eva’s behavior went downhill in the snap of a finger. I mean really downhill. It was so surprising that I had no idea how to handle it and I just got mad, and yelled a lot. Which Eva doesn’t respond to at all. She just shuts down. It was every day though. For the whole week. Off the charts bad behavior.

And then her teacher came back, and all was right in her world again.

It really made me think. I know all the moving around has taken it’s toll on my little girlie but in her 5 years of life I can really only think of one person that was a big part of her life for a bit (that she still asks about) that is not around her anymore. I never even thought it was a big deal or how she could be affected by things like that. Which made me think of how she never really wants to talk about being adopted. I don’t push it. Does she feel like she was left? I have always told her otherwise.

I wish I had a big book of answers to solve every little thing for my sweet little girl. All I can say is I am SO happy her teachers love her so much and see how awesome she is. This has been such a gift. This past year was probably the hardest our family has ever been through. But we got through stronger. And those that helped us through it will always be a huge part of our family.

So….it’s big hugs and lots of love moving forward for a little girl that for some reason is feeling a little insecure these days….but that will change- she is growing stronger every day.