Keep Swimming

Yesterday morning I got an email from our realtor in Ohio that the appraisal came back on our house at full value and we were on tract for our closing on the 20th.

Honestly I am so relieved that everything has fallen into place so quickly for the sale of the house. But that doesn’t change the fact that after the initial relief I had that it is all falling into place, I actually felt like throwing up.

It’s real now. We are selling our house. Some other mom is going to be making dinner for her kids in MY kitchen. Hanging out on summer nights on MY screened porch, on my deck, on my front porch, greeting MY neighbors. Maybe HER son will now mow my neighbors yard, or get chocolate milk from her after school like Cole loved to do.

My heart feels a little broken. Maybe a lot broken. I am never gonna come home to find 20 bikes in the driveway from Austin’s friends. Or watch them trying to sneak into the backyard in their gillie suites.

I miss my house, I miss my friends. Today I would have gone back. I would have said I am not strong enough for this.

But I am. And so I keep swimming.

And then I take my Ohio rose colored glasses off. Because while I loved it there, there were also things I didn’t like. Especially in the last year.

It is hard to get used to a new city. Especially a small sleepy college town. It’s a different lifestyle that I am slowly getting used to. Last night while coming home from the dog park Austin and I stared at the sky and tried to name stars. We cheated a little and used his iPhone that has a cool app that helps you find and name the stars. There are no major city lights in Chapel Hill. So the stars shine very bright. We decided a telescope was in our future.

Today Cole gets to go to the Morehead Planetarium over on UNC’s campus with his class. He is going to love it.

The boys all had a great first week of school last week. Cole went to a friends house after school on Tuesday, Blake went to a friends house after school on Thursday, and I got the regular Friday call from Austin after school that he was walking home with a group of friends to hang at one their houses.

I miss having a house within walking distance of the schools. But on the flip side, the trade off to get the house we really wanted, in an awesome neighborhood packed with kids….. well that’s just it. A trade-off.

I pulled out my camera yesterday, and tried to learn how to shoot in the bright winter sun. Something we didn’t have much of in Ohio. I decided the best way to shoot in the sun- is to shoot right into the sun. Embrace it. Because nothing will put a smile on my face like a nice sunny warm winter day when I can play outside with my kiddos.

Her new fave move is called her “jump twirl”

And so we roll on- up and down, back and forth. One foot in front of the other.

I know so many people that have gone through so much this last year. Losing their husbands, divorce, getting sick. A little move to an awesome place like North Carolina is not gonna get me down. At least not for long. I feel very blessed for what we have and where we are.

So I have to drive a little farther to get my drive-thru starbucks. Or go to Target.

I take a look at the pictures of the almost 2 acre yard that my kids will have to roam around in soon and I can’t help but think, it’s all good. Trade-offs.

Life is good.

And she is beautiful

To quote Coldplay- No one said it was easy….